Isn't that just how life works?

Woke up early yesterday morning to a call from my mother. The is-she-up-yet 6 am calls are always my favorites.

Seems my troubled brother walked up to their property at about 3:30 Monday morning. The thing is, my parents live in the middle of nowhere in the high desert. At least a mile from pavement or marked roads. He had run out of gas and began walking looking for their house. But he had only been to the property once - a few years back before there was anything more than a shed on it. He spent a few hours wandering the desert and then I guess he followed the smell of reindeer and camel dung to find their place.

Of course, when a strange man comes wandering onto your ranch in the middle of nowhere in the dark of night, you get nervous so my father met him on the porch with a shotgun. It took a few minutes for all the parties to calm down. Luckily, no one was shot. We are, after all, a trigger-happy bunch.

Turns out my brother is out of money. I know what you're thinking - 'Didn't he get $95k from selling his house a few months back?' Yes, he did. Apparantly he put $40k into a CD and blew the rest. Yes, that's $55k in five months. And yes, he has something to show for it - a 1970's Chevy Nova, a new Gibson guitar and a knocked up crack whore. I don't know about you, but I could probably do a bit more with $11,000 a month. He spent his last $18 on gas trying to get to my parents' house, ran out of gas a few miles down the road then just started walking. Oh, and he left his girlfriend and dog in the truck while he wandered around. She finds it difficult to walk long distances in her sensible stripper platform shoes.

My folks gathered them and a gas can together and everyone crashed at their place for the night. Not wanting them at their place (probably my father speaking), they took him up to my mountain getaway and told him he and the whore can stay there until he gets his act together. No, he hasn't called to ask me if it's okay. No, he doesn't plan to. Yes, my family seems to think that it's acceptable. I think its enabling since the two of them will probably go pawn the few possessions I have up there, use the money to score some drugs in Mojave and hole up in my trailer and either kill eachother or burn the place down.

So I guess the moral of the story is that if you ignore your family, lie to everyone who cares about you, go on a drug binge, blow more money than you make in a year in a few months, and bring along the convicted felon who is sending you to jail in a couple of weeks (trial next week), you get to live in peace on five beautiful acres in the mountains, rent free, with no responsibility, have your mother bring you food and supplies, and have $40k waiting for you in the bank to use if you get your act together.

Yes, that was the first rant of 2006. Don't worry, I'm going to take a vacation soon and we'll get back to our regularly scheduled programming and antics. Sans tequila shots, of course.