The Irifro and other oddities

Last Wednesday I had one of those giant construction-sized dumpsters delivered to my house in anticipation of moving. The plan was to empty the garage, clean up the yard, and figure out exactly what was in all those boxes in my extra bedroom. Keep in mind that I've lived in my house almost eight years and had a total of six roommates along the way.

Going through your old crap can teach you a lot about yourself. Here are some of the artifacts of my life I found amidst the dirt, rubble and termite dust:

1. This old family picture of my mom, biodad, neighbor with her baby, and the four of the C kids circa 1976:Notice the man-perm/Irifro on biodad? He said it was great when he had it but didn't last long and took on a frayed look. Still, it is proof of my genetic disposition to an Irifro (Irish fro). To beauty on the left is my mom providing more proof of the Irifro gene through her massive mane. I'm the little one in front with the bad haircut, big belly, paisley bell bottoms, and box of Cracker Jacks.

2. The 1988 prom dress that my mom made for me. I think it speaks for itself, and fashion in 1988:Don't worry, it's much more scary on. I'll try to find the prom picture because it's got a tale of it's own to tell. Incidentally, why I still have this prom dress is beyond my imagination. If you are interested in it, it will be at a thrift store in Ventura soon.

3. My letterman's jacket: It's hard to believe I ever ran for anything other than beer. I'm not sure why I want to hang onto this, but I kind of do. After all, what exactly does one do with an old letterman's jacket? I'm thinking I'll start wearing it out on the town again.

4. My Seabee uniform and hardhat:Back when I was a Seabee, we still wore the old Army greens a la M*A*S*H*. Seabees get the bottom of the surplus barrel when it comes to supplies. And check out my old boot camp issue chukka boots. Those things weigh about 8 lbs each. Seriously, when I picked on up I thought there must be a giant dead rat it in because it was so heavy.

5. Speaking of giant, dead rats, this was my most bizarre find of all:It's my ponytail from when I went into the Navy. I had to cut my Irifro and for some strange reason decided to keep the ponytail. I do not recall bagging it or saving it but I obviously did. It actually frightened me when I came upon it - I thought it was some dead beast in a bag. Come to think of it, it still frightens me. It is kind of creepy to have 15 year old hair lying around in a plastic bag. Fortunately, I've found a good use for it. I'm going to send it off to Locks of Love so some kid (maybe two?) can have genuine Irifro wig.

Here's what I think archaeologists finding these items would say about me in 100 years: 1. She was either a basket case or leader of the free world due to extreme taunting as a child, 2. She never knew how to dress herself in a socially acceptable manner, 3. She likely spent too much time reliving the glory days of high school sports, 4. Although she would have been considered cool because she could drive a bulldozer, and 5. She was probably a serial killer who kept souvenirs, such as hair, from her victims.

In the end, there was a whole bunch more crap I found - 1980's neon ceramic earrings the size of a dinner plate, my old Cabbage Patch kids (all mysteriously naked), a lot of really hideous clothes, all my old journals, tons of pictures I have yet to peruse, and a whole heap of junk - about 640 cubic feet to be exact.

I'll post more pics if I get around to it. In the meantime I'll be cruising around Ventura in my letterman's jacket and chukka boots.