Aloha, Oi vei! And another Mastercard moment.

New fencing for pig: $486.31
RT airfare to Maui: $567.91
Tow truck to Lot C at 4 am: $60.00
Snorkel gear: $18.27
Watching your friend swim away from his own poo while snorkeling: Priceless.

Threw the houdini-like pig (escaped twice in one day!) in jail and headed to Maui for a long weekend. Here's a picture of Hogitha while incarcerated, doesn't she look happy?Yes, you read that right, Maui. Retirement sure is nice. Of course, my life isn't that easy as my flight left LAX at 6:00 am, which meant I left my place at 2:30 am. So there I was, driving through the high desert at around 3:30 am when my battery light went on. The alternator decided 3:30 am while I'm on my way to the airport would be a good time to need some attention. So I pressed on, lights dimming, hoping to make my flight. I rolled off the 405 onto Century Blvd right as the truck died. I was barely able to coast into a gas station, had them call a tow truck (now about 4:30 am) and waited. I was hoping the tow truck was affiliated with a repair shop but that would make too much sense so I ended up having the guy tow my dead truck to LAX Lot C, drop it in a spot, and take me to the departures area in the tow truck. I missed my flight but was able to catch one an hour later and decided to deal with the truck upon my return.

Ditching the truck was worth it because Maui sure is nice:My good friend PD, who I've known since 7th grade, lives there. Here he is with G, who flew in from the SF bay area for the week:Yes, it's a bad picture and they'll hate me for it. But it was too funny not to post. Ah, the power of having the camera when all is said in done. Seriously, a big, fat Mahalo to PD for being a great host and allowing us to crash at his place and drag him around the island in a Mai Tai-induced haze. Oh, and for providing some great blog material.

So we decided to take an ocean raft out to Lanai one day for some snorkeling. The day was perfect: clear, warm, and the current just right for hitting some secluded reef spots. You can do that when you're on the smaller trips. This one had only eight people and the captain looked just like Jon Voight but talked like Mr. Rodgers which made his commentary especially interesting. Here's a shot of what I saw for much of the trip:[Insert whale joke here] That was mean. Bad Glib Gal, bad.

So the raft was pretty small and did not have facilities. It was a four hour trip and most folks discreetly relieved themselves in the ocean. Of course, we had to get up early to make it to the dock on time and good old PD had missed his morning constitutional. Let me tell you, he is a man on a schedule and that schedule is not to be interrupted.

So there we were, at our second or third snorkel spot, enjoying the views, G and I sitting on the raft, eating pineapple, resting in the warm sun, when all of a sudden PD dons his gear like a Marine in Baghdad during a CBR attack, dives in and swims like Mark Spitz toward a rock-walled cove. G and I commented on how we'd never seen PD swim that fast and no sooner had we made the comment then out swam PD at an even faster pace. He returned promptly to the boat and did not re-enter the water at that spot. Later that evening, we confronted PD on his behavior. Turns out he was prairie dogging (that was for you MM) and he swam over to the cove, dropped his boardshorts, and let loose in the water while swimming away, hence the record pace and eagerness to get out of the water. Of course, this led to us naming him "Dipshit" for having taken a dip and then dropping the kids off at the beach, literally. We later learned that many men do this on the island. Needless to say, it made me especially suspicious of floating debris for the rest of the trip and gave us a joke to wear out, which we did.

Of course, other fun stuff happened on the trip but it's the "You had to be there" kind of stuff that MB likes to blog about so I won't bore you with it. We spent a lot of time taking pictures for our respective alternative lifestyles MySpace pages that are not suitable for this blog (hard to believe) and, fortunately, on my camera. Here is a mild example of one of those shots:Look at the magazine cover ('Who's gay in country?') and note that PD lives an alternative lifestyle. This will surely go on his yahoo personal.

Finally, here was the sunset on my last night there as taken from the gazebo at the Westin in Lahaina:Oh yeah, I got JP to pick me up, bring a battery and make an appointment for me to have the alternator replaced in LA upon my return so the truck thing worked out in the end. Except for the ticket. I never park in the LAX-owned lots because they ticket your car while you're off on vacation. Everyone loves to come back from vacation to a parking ticket. I knew I'd get one since my front license plate was stolen, ironically, from LAX public parking. And I did. It's no wonder LAPD is so popular.