The white shadow

I woke up early Tuesday morning to a strange sound. I was in that state where you don't know if you are awake or asleep or somewhere in between but you really hope you're asleep because it sucks to try to get back to sleep once you emerge from that state. Anyhow, it sounded like someone was pressure washing the neighbor's house. I was disoriented and thought I had overslept and those crazy neighbors were indeed spraying something. They had just put up one of those inflatable pools and the kids have been out there every night listening to mariachi music and splashing around, squirting eachother until the wee hours. I looked at the clock and saw that it was a little after 1:00 am. Then I noticed the air was humid the sound of what I thought was a pressure washer was coming from my own house.

I lept out of bed and attempted to run down the hall, thinking something was going on in the kitchen or pool. As soon as I left the carpeted bedroom for the wood hall I was in an inch of water, slid like I was surfing an old slip-n-slide, and grasped at a bookcase to keep from falling. My little dog had woken up and was chasing me, barking. I got to the kitchen and couldn't find the source of the river so I backtracked to the bathroom where I opened the cabinet under the sink only to be doused with hot water. Of course, my house (trailer) is old and there are no shut off valves inside the house. So I run outside to the main, buck naked (yes, I sleep in the buff - never understood why people dress up for bed - you wouldn't wear your swimsuit in the shower, would you?), dripping hot water, body parts jiggling in the moonlight, and my little wet dog in tow announcing my insanity to the neighborhood. This set off the flood lights and every animal in the neighborhood began to yell at me, which led to lights being turned on in other house, clothed and groggy folks emerging on doorsteps or peeping through windows to catch the lone streaker. I finally found the shut off valve and made it back inside, hopefully in time to merely cause confusion about a white shadow on the street. I guess this is why people wear pajamas? I mean for late night pipe bursts that may require them to run to the roadside and shut off the water main. I really see no other reason to.

I ended up using every towel in the house to sop up the water and then decided to go back to sleep and figure it out in the morning. I woke up a few hours later and found the source of the problem - a rotten washer where the pipe connects to the sink. No problem, right? I headed to the hardware store with the bad parts, got the things I thought I needed, came home and realized I needed something else. Three trips, a new pipe cutter, an attempt at finding pants that would give me a plumber's butt, more frustration than I could imagine coming from eight inches of brass tubing, several thoughts of living without hot water, and many dousings later, I managed to fix the problem.

In the end I like to think I saved money because I'm pretty sure a plumber makes more than a lawyer because a plumber deals with real shit whereas I just deal with self-made crap. And I'm still not planning on wearing pajamas.