Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Three things I never thought I'd do that are guaranteed to shock you

1. ATTEND A HASH EVENT SOBER

Yes, I attended the entire 2007 Betty Ford Rehab Hash without imbibing an ounce of alcohol. In case you've forgotten what Betty Ford is, it's that wonderous weekend each year wherein hordes of somewhat disturbed hashers converge upon the sleepy town of Palm Springs, California to run through the streets in lingerie. This was my fourth year making the pilgrimmage and the first time I spent the entire weekend sober. The good thing is that I had my faculties intact and was able to document the event with my digital camera.

Imagine watching these two swing at 1:00 am in an American Legion Hall while completely sober:

Yes, I had to do a double-take on that one too. For those of you ready to be scarred for life, here's the frontal view:I'm not sure which was more frightening either.

Of course, I took my new boyfriend, Q, to Betty Ford with me. I wasn't sure how Q would fare as we'd only been to two rather mellow hash runs together but all my fears were quelled the minute we stepped into Mervyn's in search of plus-size lingerie and he exclaimed that there were no good panties in 2X that I'd found a keeper. In fact, it took him longer to choose his lingerie than it did me. He was torn between the leopard print and a lovely floral with lace. He also noted that next year he'd start shopping earlier. In the end he even borrowed my red feather boa. I was quite proud and as a display of my devotion to him allowed him to borrow my sacred hash mug. Anyone who is a hasher knows this is very symbolic and a sign of complete trust. If you don't understand why, ask MM what happened at the campout when he lost his mug...

One great thing about the weekend was that Q got along well with all my friends. Here he is with BH of Santo Barbara. I'm not sure what they are doing either:
And here he is with BH of blogging fame:
Enough on that, Betty Ford sober was still fun and I certainly got a different perspective on all the excitement that goes on. So, on to the second thing I never thought I'd do:

2. SEE TWO LINES ON A PREGNANCY TEST.


Yes, that means what you think it means. Don't worry, it's not yours. It's Q's and we're pretty darned excited. Shocked beyond belief, but at the same time thrilled beyond comparison. I'm still processing the fact that we are going to be parents and that all these incredible things are going on inside of me. I hear payback is terrible so I'm expecting a wild and unruly child, most likely prone to cross-dressing and mouthing off. Hopefully Q's angelic past will counter some of my youthful indiscretions and the child, currently called Lentil Bean, because that's the size he or she was when we found out, will turn out healthy and well-balanced despite having us as parents. I'm still trying to find the right words to explain this to Lentil when he or she grows up:Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. And finally, thing number three I never thought I'd do is:

3. TIE THE KNOT.

We're getting married. This week. Sunday the 25th to be exact.

Yes, my father is polishing his shotgun. Of course, at our first dinner with my folks after finding out we are pregnant my father had his shotgun on the table the whole time. It was quite amusing.

When you think about it, this is the only way it could happen for a girl like me. Luckily, it happened with the best man I've ever been lucky enough to date and I thank the powers that be for stepping in before I could manage to mess things up.


7 comments:

jack420 said...

Holy Shit! You dont say! Well aint it time for settlin down. Congratulations. Any questions or just need to filter out all the baby info, just let me know. I ve done my homework. Keep me posted or I guess the blog posted. Holy Shit this is great news.

love you

Buzz said...

SPEECHLESS

Well not really. I kinda figured as soon as you wrote that you attended a hash sober.

But wow Glib, wow.

I'm proud of you! Awesome News!

Congrats!

-buzz

Anonymous said...

FIRST OF CONGRATS, BUT DON'T GET MARRIED JUST CAUSE YOUR PG MAKE SURE YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY
ITS BETTER TO MAKE SURE NOW THEN TO PUT A KID THRU A DIVORCE YOU CANSTILL BE GOOD PARENTS

Melon said...

Re: explaining the last picture of the bald-on-bald love to Lentil: I'm just glad you didn't get the view of the penis-shaped mohawk on MM's head! Then you'd really be in for some 'splainin'.

Melon said...

PS. Congratulations! You're gonna be great parents

xo Melon

MB said...

Yeah, do what Anon says!! Far be it from us to assume you have any idea what is going on in your own life!!

Sorry I missed Sunday. Hope it went well. Uh....can I have that bottle of Yeger back since you can't drink it now?

:-)

BH said...

See, I TOLD you that you had good blog fodder. ;-) I'm clearly behind because you're Mrs. Q now. Congratulations! How were the nuptials? I won't hold it against you that I wasn't invited. But I had the perfect gift all picked out - stripy socks for your boy. Heheheheh.