Pillow humper update

Remember CL? The pillow humper?

Well he called earlier this week to announce that he is engaged. Yep, congrats to him for finding a more lifelike object of affection. Of course, I pity the woman and hope she knows the huge undertaking she is about to embark on, because, after all, CL is a 38 year old man who humps pillows and watches Playboy channel when she's not looking. This will not go over well in a household with a semi-religious wife and two young step-daughters...

In all fairness, CL and I have been pretty good friends ever since our relationship ended two days after a great trip to Zihuatenejo about four years ago. We were on the last legs of trying to force romance into a brother-sisterish friendship and decided to go to Mexico for my 30th birthday. We went, lied our way into the honeymoon suite at the Catalina Beach Resort, and spent a nice week under palapas, sipping margaritas, eating fish tacos, and frolicking on the beach. I do vaguely remember someone yelling "Mira!!!" from the hill as I fished for my swimsuit top in the bay after my second shot of mescal (sp?). Ah...The memories... We split up a few days after our return and have remained good friends ever since.

CL liked the place so much that he has taken a different woman to the Catalina Beach Resort every year around my birthday for the past three years. It doesn't bother me and I just laugh when he tells me he's taking another trip to Mexico because I know where he's headed, where he'll stay, and what he'll eat at what restaurant. He even took his now-fiancee last year.

So guess what? CL, after telling me he's getting married, asked me to be his best man of sorts in Zihuatenejo during my birthday week this year.

Now, I've met CL's girlfriend and she has told me in that non-confrontational-but-I'll-tear-you-a-new-one-if-you-touch-my-ex-con-pillow-humper way that she's a wee bit jealous of me and CL. He's also admitted she's asked him about our relationship on several occassions.

So my reaction to the invite to be part of the wedding party was, of course, a firm, "No senor." I had to explain to CL that the rules of love dictate that you can neither invite your ex-girlfriend to be in nor anywhere near your wedding, especially if your fiancee is already barely tolerant of her presence in your life and your constant need to "Run things by Glib Gal".

I went on to explain that getting married on a beach and staying in a hotel that you've taken three other women to in the past three years is probably not a brilliant idea because there will come a time, 10 years from now, when you least expect it, that it will be used as ammunition in a fight that started because you didn't rinse a pot before putting it in the dishwasher, and that means you don't love her anymore because you don't care if spaghetti sticks to the pot, and you probably never did love her anyway since you took her where you take all your women instead of someplace special when you got married.

It's tough explaining these things to the challenged but I felt it would save him some heartache down the line, before he made such propositions to her and was met with a slap in the face.

I guess he should continue to run things by me until she can take the reigns in his upbringing.