Location, location, location

I went down to Long Beach on Saturday for a run and picnic called "Hashstock". It was put on by the same folks who do the annual Red Dress Run in San Diego and the Mexican Mardi Gras so I figured it would be a good one. The premise was to be a modern day Woodstock but with a run preceding the concerts. I had high hopes for this event until I remembered that it was Long Beach...

The festival was to begin and end at Police Academy Park. Upon arrival I immediately did a stop, drop and roll and ducked for cover at the sound of gunshot. I had flashbacks to my brothers firing BB guns at me as a child but that is another story for another day... It turns out Police Academy Park is, as the name would suggest, right next to the Police Academy and directly borders the shooting range. No kidding. There was a whole squad of cadets toting their glocks with only a chain link fence and about 20 feet to separate them from Hashstock! In the meantime, the tie-dye clad runners amassed for a pre-run pint from one of the many kegs already set up for the run. I still haven't decided if the choice of location was meant to be ironic - or just poor planning.

Cynic that I am, I began to think...only in America. Then I remembered the antics of the Chinese Army Cadets when I was abroad. You see, in China each male must do four weeks of military service. Yes, it is a short committment but they have no GI Bill or clever slogans to lure the boys in. Anyhow, I recall the first spring morning of "boot camp" on the Guangxi University campus. I exited my dormitory and thought I heard gunfire but assumed it was the kitchen staff at the cafeteria out procuring the traditional giant garbage rats for lunch. As I rounded the corner to cross a bridge I saw about 100 students lined up in their Mao outfits on the other side of the canal. They had set up targets - leaning against the base of my dormitory (which housed all the foreigners) and were firing across the canal at the targets. Other cadets were in the rooms on the bottom floor changing targets through the windows and ducking to avoid the firestorm. Just moments before I had been in my third floor room preparing for the day and now I watched as these young men fired aimlessly, literally, at the foreigners' building. Windows were broken, bricks chipped, air conditioning units obliterated. Part of me was frightened, part amused, and part dumbfounded. The cadets clearly had no training and the weapons dated back to at least the Opium War.

I inquired further about the Chinese Army training in Guangxi and learned that in addition to shooting at the foreigners' building the students were trained in guerilla warfare by watching such western movies as Rambo and Predator. No wonder so many of my male students wanted the "English" names of Sylvester and Arnold. Many were also taught a "swimming theory" course in which they directed hoses at one another and paddled (the canals were filled with various forms of waste, human included, and not fit for swimming).

At least we can rest easily knowing that the Long Beach PD could probably take the Southern Chinese Army if such a need arises...but I would suggest avoiding Police Academy Park in Long Beach if gunfire might interrupt your picnic.